I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
