come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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