No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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