Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize