Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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