hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
