I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
