this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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