All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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