My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
