After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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