girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
