i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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