Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
