i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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