he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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