a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We left the knife in your bed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
its liver damage thursday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
