Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
