What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
