Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
