And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
