if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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