At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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