i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
