period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
