girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
