I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
