Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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