Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
