PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
