I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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