theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
