But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
