he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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