so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
