i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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