i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
