She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
