I have demons in me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
