What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
