I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
