My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
