Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
