tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
