Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
