I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
