At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
