Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
