This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize