god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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