peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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