how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
