I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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