I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
