i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
