I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
