I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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