i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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