there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize