remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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