Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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