She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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