That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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