My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
