Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
