my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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