I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
