i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
