I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
