YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
