your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize