her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
